January 23, 2012 is Chinese New Year.  So I would like to wish everyone a happy New Year.  

I wanted to talk to you about appreciating your adoptive parents.  

I was lucky enough to be adopted by parents who believed that keeping me in touch with my heritage was very important.  So every year without fail, we would celebrate Chinese New Year with my closest friend who was in the orphanage with me.  

I hope that you all have been lucky enough to have parents who kept you in touch with your cultural heritage, and if not, you should encourage them to do so.  Having my parents teach me about my heritage, helped to bring us closer together as a family.

So Happy New Year!!!!! Year of the Dragon!!

Nora

Today was the anniversary of my grandmother’s death.  She died one year ago. I remember the day like it was yesterday.  She had been getting sicker as time passed, the cancer that she had began to develop faster, and the treatment was wearing her out.  She was going through Chemo and radiation at the same time, trying to get better.  Her depression began to get worse and the drugs that she was on were making it worse.  I remember the days when we would go to visit her.  My mom would talk to her, and say; “mom, you need to take your medications, they will help you.” There was always a fight.  It is hard for me to remember a time when they didn’t fight, and I would just sit there, feeling my grandmother’s small hands holding on to me tight.

We would spend hours at her apartment.  Making her food, doing her dishes, cleaning.  It was never a quick process.  Not once did I walk into that apartment and stay for less than an hour.  I remember she would light up when I came over. She would call to me when she heard me open the door.  I would go sit next to her and she would grasp my hand as she asked about my day.  She asked about my friends and how they were doing.  She would ask me how school was and always said, “I hope those teachers are treating my darling angel well.” I was always her “darling angel”

I could see her everyday growing smaller and weaker, I grew sadder knowing that she was so sick and that she always was so eager to hear about my life.  She never forgot my friends names, and always wanted to know what they wanted to do in life.  I remember her telling me to make sure I always encouraged them to follow their desires, and whenever I would leave she would smile and send her love to those she knew.  

As the days turned to weeks and then to months, I could see her growing weaker.  But without fail I would visit her, never showing her my pain.  I would sit with her for hours and talk to her about anything that came up.  How the Yankees (her favorite team) was doing.  She would always tell me that Jeter was going to be my husband.  I just had to grow up first.  We would talk and talk as the time flew by. I miss her voice so much.  She had this raspy voice, partially from the smoking.  It was wonderful.  Her voice held her character in it.  No matter how sick she got, her voice always remained the same.  She used to sing to me as a child.  I always knew that I would have fun going over to grandma and grandpa’s house because I would get to sing with them.  

The day that she died is not clear enough in my head, and for that I feel guilty.  I remember my mother coming in to my room at 4 in the morning saying that the hospital called and that she was needed.  I remember Greg coming into my room around 6 and telling me that the school had decided to give us a snow day.  I was so excited that I could sleep in that I momentarily forgot about where my mother had just gone.  Greg and my mom came and went, at least that is how I remember it.  Greg came to wake me up around 8, I think, when he was heading to the hospital again.  I remember pulling myself out of bed and going downstairs to have breakfast.  It was one of my best friends birthday that day and we were all very excited, she was turning 17! 

I sat at home downstairs in one of the chairs at the counter eating some food, answering the phone and eventually getting the mail.  I did very little that day. 

The next thing I remember is it being in the afternoon and having just hung up the phone with a family friend.  My mother and Greg walked in the door.  I looked up and began to give my mom the messages that people were leaving.  She just stood there, not saying anything and listened to me talk.  I knew something was wrong.  It dawned on me when I realized that they were both home.  I had a slight moment of hope.  Maybe she is better. Maybe she is ok. But that was not the case.

My mom walks over to me and says, “she died.” ” Grandma is dead.” 

That was one of the hardest things for me to process.  I just sat there and began to cry.  My mom and Greg hugged me and we were like statues frozen in time.  

I cried and cried.  She was my last grandparent.  The one I was closest to. I loved her with all my heart and soul.  

I love her.  I will always love her.  I miss her so much.  It is almost unbearable.

I haven’t cried over this a lot.  I can count on one hand how many times I have cried over her.  But that does not diminish my feelings.  

There will always be a part of me that is empty.  A part that will never be able to be filled.  

I got my tassel for my graduation from high school today.  The first thing I thought of was, oh, my grandma won’t be able to see my graduate.  But then I remembered how proud she would be of me.  She would have been at my graduation smiling and clapping for me, and I know that she will be there with me in spirit.  

But I don’t want this post to be a sad post.  While it might appear that way, this was a way for me to come to terms with what happened.  I am usually good at handling my feelings, this was a hard one to deal with.  I love her and will always love her.  

I just want those of you who read this long post, to remember to celebrate life. My grandma always said:

 You are given one chance.  Make sure you make the best of it.  

Love your life and embrace what you are given.  

Never give up on striving towards your goals.   

Remember to tell the ones you love that you love them.

So this post is going to be dedicated to a few people.  my grandmother, my mother, my family, and my friends.  I will never forget to tell you that I love you.